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A little annoyed

You know when you are trying to better yourself by doing things like going for a jog or not drinking as much as you used to and people try to make you feel bad for it? I don’t get that! 

The other day a person I know told me to let her know when i was going for a walk and she would join me, I told her okay but that i am getting back into jogging and she said to still let her know but complained that her knees won’t let her run. So yesterday I text her 20 min before I was planning on going for a jog and she said she’d meet up with me because she was going to a friends house. I told her I would be jogging, trying not to just walk, and she proceeded to send me text after text about how she can’t run and she was busy and she guessed she would just pass. I couldn’t help but become a little annoyed because she was still texting me these excuses 30 minutes later, when I was out jogging! She is constantly complaining about health issues but she doesn’t do anything about it! I told her I wasn’t stopping her from going for a walk and encouraged her to still go and THEN her excuse was she was still cleaning!! Why even ask me to invite you when you are going to give me excuse after excuse for you to be lazy?

When I did invite her days before she walked so slow it wasn’t even an exercise and then she kept stopping a million times for absolutely no reason other than to check her phone! Another time was to stop and pet a dog. Seriously!? Come on! Don’t try to make me feel bad for trying to get into better and healthier shape when you won’t even try! It is so frustrating to me sometimes because I have this extra weight on me that isn’t just weight from depression and over eating and drinking all the time, but it’s people who won’t get off their asses and who would rather be drinking than going for a thirty fucking minute walk/jog and then try to make me to be out some sort of anti social freak because I would rather go run than be drinking beer at 5pm.

I don’t know…sorry…it just seems the more I am trying to change for the better the people around me want me to just stay the same lazy person I have been, like them, but that’s not me. I am not normally lazy and I need to work out in someway shape or form. Why can’t people just support me in my desire to do something different? Ugh.

I am seriously one of the happiest girls in the world atm. Yesterday I went to H&M and spent way too much money, but it’s okay because I never do that and my bills are paid. I got two pairs of black harem pants that seriously make me question why I should ever wear any other pair of pants again..ever. I got a black loose fit crop top and I feel sexy in it because well…I am pretty sexy lately. I got an awesome elephant necklace, my son a Darth Vader shirt, and slouchy beanie which I am super stoked to be able to wear once my hair is longer and it isn’t so hot (though who am I kidding I will probably wear it now even in the 104 degree heat with 3000% humidity) and most importantly the friend that I have been “estranged” from for the last year and I half was who I went with because we put all our past right where it belongs, in the past. 

I have realized so much lately that it is simply worthless to hold on to pain, and a lot of that pain was simply from depression I have been going through and right after having a kid is seriously one of the most trying times of a woman’s life, if she has kids. I realize now that I was blaming others for a pain that has stemmed from my childhood and only because I simply did not understand it. A sort of PTSD that my subconscious didn’t want to let go of because I hadn’t confronted it! I accept my past and I am moving on!

I am super happy and at peace in my life right now and feeling so fully aware of the fact that the people I have surrounded myself with for that last two years are not the kinds of people I need in my life. They are riddled with pain that they project onto others because misery loves company. They cheat on one another and talk about each other behind their backs…well let them talk all they want about me and how I never hang out and how they think I think i am too good for them. Because it’s true, in a manner of speaking, I am too good to allow negativity of others to affect my happiness, and my family’s happiness.

Fuck…I think they call this growing up…who has the crayons!? 

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